Grandpa Garth and I were walking along the beach together just before sunset in Maui after a gorgeous day of time devoted absolutely to one another. One of the best parts of getting past those first few difficult months of empty-nesterhood is re-discovering how much fun we have together, just the two of us. We finally have the time and the money to take the romantic vacations we always dreamed about when we were raising our kids.
Enjoying the Sunsets of Our Lives
We thought the day just couldn’t get better than the one we had sleeping in with the windows open listening to the waves crashing and enjoying a romantic walk along the beach after lunch. But it did get better. We got to go to dinner with Michelle and Keith.
The last time we had dinner with them was the night our son proposed to their daughter more than ten years ago. And the best part about dinner with Michelle and Keith was that they brought guests along: their daughter, our son, and two of our shared grandchildren.
Keith and Michelle have accidentally introduced us to the concept of the shared family vacation where everyone wins, especially the grandparents!
We didn’t plan this lovely evening. Keith is a physician and he and our daughter-in-law were in Maui for a medical conference. We were actually a little embarrassed when we learned our vacation plans overlapped. “What if they think we are trying to insert ourselves into their vacation?”
But with their gracious invitation to join them for dinner, enjoyed a lovely sunset dinner catching up. The conversation was so lively, we almost missed seeing the sun drop below the horizon.
Keith and Michelle enjoying the view on our afternoon sightseeing drive
This Vacation Just Keeps Getting Better
The next day, they invited us to join them on an afternoon caravan through the jungle to a favorite spot where we could watch the waves crash against the lava rock. Again, we thought we were imposing until we realized that by transferring two of their six people into our rental car, everyone could have a window seat!
While we were taking group photos on the beach we laughed when my son observed, “I think that six adults to two children is the perfect adult/child ratio for a family vacation.” Michelle and I looked at each other and laughed.
“Waaaay better than two adults to six kids. Who does that?” she laughed. It’s only funny because that’s the way each of us used to vacation when we were young mothers. Two exhausted parents, an assortment of kids (and possibly cousins), and chaos. But what memories!
Turning the adult-to-child ratio upside down is something we’ve never tried before. But it was kind of wonderful!
Does Mom Get a Spa Day During the Family Vacation?
Grandma Michelle was the designated “kid entertainment crew” on their vacation since the other three adults in her party still had to work during the daylight hours. I nervously offered that if she wanted a spa day to herself, We’d be glad to pick the girls up for a day at our hotel, which had a really fun kids’ pool. She didn’t hesitate, and while she may just have wanted to be generous, I was pretty sure she’d enjoy a day of vacation just for herself too.
The kids got to explore another swimming pool and a different beach. We pretended to be mermaids and sea witches in the pool and Grandpa took them out to float in the deep surf. They ordered dessert for lunch. Grandpa Garth and I commented about how it made us feel healthier just standing in the sunshine together as we watched them play. It was truly invigorating!
We enjoyed a day of bouncing around in the ocean waves looking for coral and getting so much sand in our swimming suits that it was almost embarrassing to return them back to the care of their parents at the end of the day.
An older couple on the beach lounged under their beach umbrella nearby and read books, but they looked up and smiled at us so often I knew what they were thinking….”We sure miss those days.” It helped me soak up all of the joy of this moment, knowing the grandkids will not be young forever. I won’t get many opportunities in my lifetime to sit on the beach with them and dig my toes into the sand.
Here’s what I think helped make vacationing with grandkids so much fun for us:
- We traveled separately. This was their vacation, not ours. We felt grateful to be invited in, but they controlled the pace of that.
- We stayed in two different hotels. This eliminated the feeling that they might feel obligated to invite us into their circle. If it was convenient, they invited us. If it wasn’t, we were completely comfortable in our own surroundings.
- We rented our own car. Our travel was not limited in any way by their schedule.
- We prioritized our couple’s vacation. Grandpa Goff and I still had our magical week together just the two of us, broken up only when we felt rested and knew we’d enjoy extra company. We had control of the cadence of our vacation together. Their generosity allowed us to be invited into experiences we would not have had otherwise, but gave us total privacy to enjoy our time together too.
- Our presence helped create balance for the other adults. Maybe that’s the best part of it. Everyone had time for a little romance while the kids were with a different set of grownups.
It’s clear that this type of vacation would work in every family, relationships being what they are. But I’ve been thinking of other scenarios where this might work, especially if any of the grandparents are single.
Ideas for Double Vacations with Grandkids:
- A stay in a budget hotel midway between grandparents’ homes so travel distances are shared and shortened.
- One set of grandparents invites the other grandparent to be their guest in their home city, and plans the itinerary and meals.ˆ
- Everyone meets up at a theme park and grandparents split time riding rides, napping, or tucking kids in for an early bedtime while the parents have some time to be a “twosome” for a few hours.
- Someone books 3 side-by-side campsites or hotel rooms near a National Park, and plans one or two daytime excursions for the whole group
- Everyone meets up for a really simple daytime visit to a museum or aquarium and the day ends with dinner together.
Spreading the Burden = Sharing the Fun
Here’s the inside scoop: Being the grownup tasked with the vacation responsibility of leaving the theme park to take a cranky toddler back to the hotel for a nap isn’t actually a burden if Grandpa and Grandma are actually looking forward to a nap too. In a group with enough grownups, there just might be someone looking for an opportunity to take a break and someone excited to go ride Big Thunder Mountain yet again. Some might want to stay to watch fireworks on the fourth of July while others prefer to go home to soak in the hot tub. Options abound if we only communicate about what we truly need.
Having been accidentally introduced to the concept, we are quite excited to broach the possibilities with other grandparents helping us raise our grandchildren in an environment of love, connectedness, and personal growth. Grandpa Garth and I got the best end of the deal. We had complete freedom to come and go as we pleased while still having some precious time with the youngsters. This was proof that in extended families, there can be a lot of healthy symbiosis. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts. It’s just math. And the math can still work if it doesn’t involve twos. Every single grandparent is an important part of a child’s life.
