Empty-Nester Dating
The concierge was giving me “that” look and it said, “You are a middle-aged empty-nester so it will be best if you stick with the sunset dinner cruise.” But I had looked over a few recommended activities before we left on our first “couples only” vacation, and I already knew what I wanted to do. “What about this one called ‘Outdoor Adventure?’ ” I asked as soon as I could get a word in edgewise.
I should preface this by saying that my husband and I are currently working with a “health coach” whose top priority for the two of us has been to see us spend more one-on-one time together as opposed to booking us into a weight loss clinic (which I kind of expected would be a health coach’s first priority after he got a look at the two of us and our pudgy midsections).
“There are two periods in life when we worry most about couples divorcing,” he said. “The first year of marriage is critical, and the second most common time for a divorce is after the kids leave home and the couple becomes empty-nesters.“
He has worked hard helping us see the wisdom of trying to be healthy in all of the important areas of our lives – to have better balance in our lives in general, including finding more time to PLAY together. So, following his advice, we booked a trip for two for a week of empty-nester dating. And although the hotel concierge was a little incredulous, he agreed to sell us a package that included both the dinner cruise and the Outdoor Adventure.
The dinner cruise was a good choice. Entitled “Rhythms of the Night,” It included an hourlong boat ride across the bay to a private island lit by thousands of candles and torches, a delicious dinner, and a really phenomenal dinner show. (Tip for empty-nester dating: If there are candles on the tables and tables for two by the beach, ask for a table for two even if you are traveling with a group). It also included highly entertaining people-watching since there was an open bar and we were the youngest people on the boat that took us to the island (and also the only non-drinkers). Watching drunken senior citizens dance to 70s classic rock on the deck of a moving ship is a recipe for entertainment (also a recipe for head injuries). I had to stifle an urge to ask one of them to start a conga line just so I could watch how that went.
Outdoor Adventure, on the other hand, was definitely the highlight of the trip. “Adventuresome” is not on the list of vocabulary words you would use to describe me and my husband. This was something well outside of our comfort zone. Highlights included a speed boat ride, a trek through a rural Mexican village in a 4×4 Unimog, a trip up the mountainside on the back of a burro, rope bridges through the jungle, rappelling down waterfalls, a series of zip lines, and a final plunge down a waterslide with an 846 foot drop.
Empty-Nester Dating Re-Builds Connections You Thought You Didn’t Have
I remember wondering, as I was making my way across one rope bridge that was much narrower and much higher above the jungle floor than I would typically have chosen to navigate, “Why is this not making me fearful, and why am I having so much fun?” I think the answer has something to do with what recreation does for our brains in general. The combination of physical activity and a cocktail of brain endorphins was giving me a heightened appreciation for being alive. Coming as it did at the end of a long week of mild temperatures, relaxing at the beach, and feeling the breeze in my hair, my body and my brain were telling me that they liked what was going on. I can’t ever remember feeling more healthy. When one of the guides asked if I was going to zip line upside down on the last run of the day, I said, “Sure, I’m game.” I assumed he was kidding. He assumed I was serious.
It turns out that the key to having fun as you age is to never stop having fun. Not only was this adventure good for my health, it was doubly-good for my marriage. What I understand now is that the fear in crossing a rope bridge could recede not just because I was tied off with a safety line, but also because I was having too much fun to be scared. I was with well-trained guides who knew how to keep me safe and had a good sense of when to push me, and when to reassure me to help build my confidence. I had also already succeeded at crossing a couple of less-narrow rope bridges earlier in the day. There’s some kind of lesson in that for the marriage counselors out there.
My husband was also succeeding at challenging his own pre-conceived fears. Two weeks after we returned from our trip, he said, “I feel like that was life-changing.” Pushing our physical and mental limits in this “controlled” fashion made it easy to expand those limits (thus, an upside-down descent on the last zip line run of the day, and a ride on a giant waterslide–see video below). We were doing something together that neither of us would have had the confidence to do alone. It made us both better partners. It was just so darn fun! I came off the mountain determined to still be healthy enough to do this with my husband and grandchildren when I’m 80. I’m also determined to make this empty-nester dating thing a regular habit. Zip lining just seems like a better choice than aging into a conga line.
Download a list of 75 date fun date ideas you and your spouse can try
